School picture day or should I say worst picture day....

I learned motherhood lessons on "School Picture Day" early on from my oldest daughter and bad school pictures. Buy the least expensive package available and let my child chose the outfit and any future school picture days would be a breeze. I probably could have learned the lesson by my own school pictures but I destroyed those long ago, so I did not have them to remind me how they were the worst pictures ever taken.

So now that I am a parent, I discard the notices reminding me to make sure my child is dressed up and clean, because truly, the only reason I keep a copy of a school picture is for the "School Years Scrapbooks" a friend gave me. That same friend gave me the best advice ever, "Let them choose the outfits, then you can remember your children the way they were at each age, even if they choose a striped shirt with plaid pants and white shoes after Labor Day."

At first that was a hard pill to swallow, sending my child off to school with the gnarly hair and the mismatched clothes, but my daughter was happy to be going to school in the outfit she chose and there were no fights which meant one less battle in our lives. I then made it a point to use the drop off zone on picture day to avoid any comments about how unruly my child looked. I just waited for the picture to tell all. I figured at some point my daughter would start to care how she looked, as the pictures do end up in the yearbook. Wishful thinking, she is in sixth grade now, and she certainly didn't seem to put much effort into her appearance last week on picture day. I have to admit, I was somewhat surprised because as of late she has expressed in interest in fashion and hairstyles, but that didn't influence her and as I had made that promise to myself, I did not get involved.

And just as I have spent the last four years living by that creed, I hit my first parental override with my second grader this morning. Maybe it was my mistake for reminding her it was picture day. She chose this almost dress length sleeveless top with her favorite shorts, but the problem was, it looked like she had no shorts on and that she was wearing a dress she had outgrown. I delicately suggested trying some long pants on, and boy was that a mistake! This sent her into a tailspin and I found myself desperately trying to rewind and calm her down. I had broken my rule, and I was seeing the consequences of breaking that rule, but I was not about to send her to school looking like she had no pants on or too short of a dress.

She had pushed my limits of reason. And with this, I remembered the words of wisdom from a friend from church. "You're the mom, you can just tell your children how it is." The comment was actually directed at my oldest daughter who was resisting going to the youth group at our church, but I figured I could use it for this circumstance.

I laid it all out on the line, "You need to change the shirt or the pants and if you can't, then wear this outfit." I gave her three options, which still gave her some control, and while she was still fussing, I decided not stick around to be the target of her remarks. I figured walking away would give her time to unwind, but I wasn't able to escape fast enough, because I was able to hear her final words to me, "You've ruined picture day! Mean mommy!"

Walking away, I thought, she may be be saying that now, but in twenty years when she is looking at her "School Years Scrapbook" she will be happy to know I sent her to school wearing a complete outfit (not that you can see the bottom half, but the top she chose was really awful). Here's to better choices next year and to me for making sure she has the appropriate clothes in her closet!