You are here: Motherhood

Some days I wonder what the heck I am doing? Sure, I know what I need to do. Wake up, wake my kids up, feed my kids, make their lunch, drive them to school, empty the dishwasher, make beds, load the washer, empty the dryer, fold laundry, the list goes on, pick my kids up from school, feed them snacks, do homework, play referee when they fight, go to soccer, go to youth group, make dinner, eat dinner, put the dishes in the dishwasher, bathe the kids and go to bed! Thank God for bed!

Am I just feeling useless because its that time of the month otherwise known as a punctuation mark? I'm hormonal. I'm feeling foggy. I'm feeling bloated. I'm feeling unproductive. I am questioning all this stuff I do everyday. What is it all for? What is the big picture? Am I actually accomplishing anything? I feel like I need one of those maps that shows, "You are here!" But where is here? Duh! I see the big red arrow. Its pointing where? Motherhood. That's where I am on the map. Everything I am doing is because I have children. I need to get used to it and stop complaining. Good old motherhood!

Just the other day I was talking to a friend. I was telling her about this mom I know who cries every time she drops her child off at school because she misses having the time with him. I asked her if there was something wrong with me because I am thrilled to drop my kids off at school? My friend then said, there is something obviously wrong with the woman who is crying. "Who cries when they drop their children off at school? It is usually the other way around. I used have to pry my daughter off of me, but it was for her own good and my sanity. I was ecstatic to leave her at school. Being an only child, she had other kids to play with and I didn't have to be her dog and pony show. All mothers need time for themselves to work or do whatever."

She was right. But what about the women who home school their children? Not too long ago I was talking with a group of women about home schooling. A couple of the women were pro-home schooling. I sat there in disbelief. I was appalled at the idea of having to educate my children. I can barely get them to do homework, forget twelve years of education. Am I bad mother because I think I would be miserable if I had to home school my kids? When I told my friends how I felt about home schooling, one friend told me that if I had to home school my children, I would. I thought about it for a moment, and then replied, "Only in the worst of circumstances. Like if there was some kind of natural disaster that prevented me from getting them to a school." And then, another mother questioned my love? As if not being able to home school my children could be equated with how much I love them?

I love my children, but motherhood at times is exhausting. There is so much that goes along with having children. I think if there was less work... less laundry, less cooking, less cleaning, etcetera, then maybe I would have more time for the fun stuff with my kids. If there were just less have-to's and more free time, motherhood would be more enjoyable.

Or maybe I just need a new attitude? Maybe I need to embrace this time in my life, see past all the chaos and the drama and the housework? I need to be the mother that gets excited to pick her kids up from school. I certainly will never be the mother who cries when I drop them off, but when I pick them up, I will make more of effort to have fun with them.

Then maybe they won't fight and they will listen to me. They will say, "Sure mom! We'll help you. We will clean our toys and do our homework. No fussing. We won't cry when you say "no" and we will go to bed on time, no excuses! My job will practically be done for me by my kids. Yeah right, because no matter how excited I am to see them, they are just kids. It does not matter how nice I am, because they will still cry when its time to do homework, be too tired when its time to clean up and complain about going to bed. Reality check! You are here: Motherhood. Not Fantasyland.